The homie Brandon Caldwell tweeted me early on Sunday as soon as the Houston Texans and Jacksonville Jaguars squared off for battle at Reliant Stadium. This is what he said:
I’m not even going to troll @edthesportsfan today. Nope.
Trolling me would’ve been fine, as he is a Texans fan and I am one of 37 Jaguars fans in the world (jokes … kinda) not living in Northern Florida. Hell, my team was 1-8 with two quarterbacks who were growing mustaches that made them look like fighter pilot extras in Top Gun. Anyway, as soon as I read his tweet, the Texans were already up 7-0. Here we go, I thought.
Then the chicanery ensued.
Touchdowns for everybody. Justin Blackmon (yeah, that guy who was really good at Oklahoma State last year … yeah him) had a career day, and the Texans found a way to knock Sunshine Gabbert out the game, yet make Chad Henne look like an all-world quarterback. Yes, the same team that I predicted would go to the Super Bowl this year was just taken to the depths of overtime in a 43-37 thriller by the second worst team in the NFL. (Sorry Chiefs, you’re #1.)
Oh Ok … I get it, this is why no one believes in the Houston Texans.
As far as the Atlanta Falcons are concerned, well … I’ll just point to my fantasy football team’s putrid performance this week. Guess who’s No. 1 quarterback is Matt Ryan? (two thumbs pointed at myself) 301 yards passing and 5 interceptions later, Ryan scored 1.74 more fantasy points than I did. Good grief.
Luckily for the Falcons, they played an Arizona Cardinals team that for some absurd reason decided to yank their mediocre starting quarterback John Skelton in the middle of the game and put in some rookie from San Diego State named Ryan Lindley. What in the hell is a Ryan Lindley? (That may or may not be a quote from Larry Fitzgerald, but I digress.) So yes, the Falcons won 23-19, but goodness gracious that might’ve been the most pitiful win I’ve ever seen.
Well, besides the Texans win vs. the Jaguars. (Sidenote: really Jacksonville? You all gave up the second greatest passing performance of all time? 527 passing yards? To Matt Schaub? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.)
So yes, Atlanta and Houston, you’re making it hard to believe in you. Kenny makes fun of me all the time because he says I’m the good cop and he’s the bad cop. In the case of the Birds and the Texans, I’m still willing to give you two the benefit of the doubt. You’re a combined 18-2, and in a league where many teams can’t seem to get out of their own way, you two have found a way to consistently win.
However, if I were going to speak for Kenny, he’s probably say the following …
“They’re the Atlanta Bleeping Falcons and the Houston Bleeping Texans.”
Well then. Enough said.