"I Sit In The House By Myself With The Lights Off, Watching The Game With The Volume Up Real High."

It's like clockwork. Maybe 1-2 hours before any given big game, the text messages and phone calls will begin.

"Kinfolk, where you at?"

"Yo, where we watching the game at?"

"Fam, you want to link up at the bar to watch the game?"

"Come thru, got a few folks swinging by for the game."

"Bring yo ass."

The peer pressure comes in and I feel conflicted. I am admittedly a social butterfly, and hanging out with my folks is always a good time. However, when the game is coming on, and its a game that I really care about, all of that changes. I become introverted. I become shy. I become sensitive. I become a raving lunatic. In other words, hell no I don't want to come by your crib and watch the game. I don't want to go to the bar, eat delicious chicken wings and knock back beers with my people. Nah man, I'm cool.

When my team is playing (Thunder/Sooners/Braves/Arsenal/Jaguars/Flyers) in a big game, I like to sit in the house by myself with the lights off, watching the game with the volume up real high, with a nice stiff drink next to me. Maybe I'll have Twitter/Facebook open on my laptop or my cell phone, just because I feel good in knowing that social contact is just a few keystrokes away. Half the time, when I'm on my social networks, I don't respond to anything. Sometimes it feels good to be able to see other folks stream their thoughts, but for the most part I like to be left to my own devices.

Why? Because dammit man, watching a game that you're invested in is stressful. I can't quite yell like I want to yell at the bar. I can't clap my hands and fist pump at someone else's house like that. I can't just sit there and fester in my anger when I have a bunch of folks over at the crib. Those moments of inadequacy are real, and they should absolutely be let out. However, those moments aren't always meant for others to see.

I will sit in my house for hours on end saying not a word when the game is on. This is perfectly acceptable.

I use to think I was a weirdo when I'd reflect on my desires to be alone, especially when the chance for celebration is high for your team. "Don't you want to hang out with your fellow fans?" Maybe after the game, if we are victorious. But during? Hell no, go away. I don't know you like that, and there's a good chance you're going to get on my nerves. "Where's your bathroom at cuz?" Man, why didn't you use the bathroom before you came over here! It doesn't even take much, and its really got nothing to do with them, its just a raw emotion.

That's what these games do to a person. They make them vulnerable. The subconscious feelings are displayed outwardly, with no filter. Some people are okay with sharing this side, I'm not.

So if my friends are reading this and they wonder why I don't like to leave my house sometimes when the game is on, this is why. I can be an insane person for 2-3 hours (or more, depending on the outcome of said game) and I'd rather you not see me in this state. Just let me live in my bat cave, yelling obscenities at my 51" Hoshitoshi, sipping multiple Jameson and Gingers, sitting quietly for egregiously long stretches and throwing multiple fist pumps when something awesome happens.

I'm okay, I promise. (Something is wrong with me, I know.)

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