I have a slight issue with the program schedulers of the major television networks when college football Saturday rolls around. You see, I usually wake up at 9 a.m. Pacific Time (noon for you East Coasters) to start my college football day. I take a quick walk to Starbucks, purchase my soy grande caramel macchiato and make it back in time to watch mediocre Big East, ACC and Big Ten football. Then, about three hours later, the Big 12 and SEC games hit the slate and I’m mildly entertained. However, my issue is that more times than not, the primetime schedule has two to three games that are on at the SAME DAMN TIME that I really want to watch. This Saturday was no different, as three games of importance all were on simultaneously.

Alabama vs. LSU. Kansas State vs. Oklahoma State. Oregon vs. USC.

So, instead of watching all three of these games in the comfort of my own home, watching each game with all my focus, I had to take my talents to the Grand Oaks. The Grand Oaks is a sports bar here in Oakland that literally has about 238 televisions. I went there for three reasons. One, their wings are the truth (thank you Tiara for putting me on to this glorious place); you come visit and I’ll take you. Two, one of the servers is named Penelope, and she takes care of me. Three, I can walk there and back and drink as much as I choose.

So at the Grand Oaks, I watch Kansas State put Oklahoma State out of their misery and I watch Oregon suffocate USC. Most importantly, I saw Alabama put together a New England Patriots Super Bowl-esque winning drive on LSU to keep their status as the nation’s best college football team. I felt sick for LSU and was in awe by Saban’s evil genius. Five plays, 72 yards and a lack of Honey Badger mojo later, Alabamians could once again breathe.

There are six undefeated college football teams remaining, the previously mentioned Crimson Tide, Wildcats and Ducks, along with Notre Dame, Ohio State and Louisville. Is Alabama still the clear-cut No. 1? Are we poo-pooing Ohio State’s asterisk season? Who and or what in Hades is a Louisville? Let’s break these teams out individually and where we go with them from here. I’ll rank them by how I rank my favorite foods at the sports bar.