Starting Lineups: Can Someone Tell The Jacksonville Jaguars To Stop Winning, Please?Ed The Sports Fan, Football — By Eddie Maisonet, III on December 2, 2013 at 8:48 am
I had just finished enjoying my last sip of coffee and a smirk had crept onto my 5 o’clock shadow face. It was Sunday afternoon at my Uncle’s house and I had just witnessed my Jacksonville Jaguars win their third game of the season in a 32-28 victory over the Cleveland Browns. The clock just barely had a chance to hit triple zeroes when I got text messages, tweets and some yelling from my Uncle Bill in regards to what had transpired.
“Of course we don’t want Teddy Bridgewater.” — Tinsley
“Y’all gon’ blow the #1 pick.” — Keith Tolbert
“Got dammit Eddie, even when y’all do right y’all still f*ck up.” — Uncle Bill
You see, losing has a way of wearing on a man’s soul, and when you’re a fan of these Jacksonville Jaguars (the previously 0-8 Jacksonville Jaguars, I might add) when you see your team win 3 out of their last 4 games, it can make a man wayward to what’s truly important. To the ultimate goal at hand.
The Jacksonville Jaguars are messing up the church’s money.
The plan has been a simple one since the beginning, we’re here for next leader of the black and teal at the quarterback position. Our job, which we willingly chose to accept, was to acquire the No. 1 overall pick of the draft by any means necessary. Teddy Bridgewater would be able to get in front of a podium, put on his Jacksonville Jaguars hat, and say to the world that he would be taking his talents to North Florida.
The revolution would be televised, and it would take place in Duval.
But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…..these bums have decided to start being a competent football team.
Here’s the real…the Jacksonville Jaguars defense is starting to resemble the outfit that head coach Gus Bradley used to previously defensive coordinate with the Seattle Seahawks. They’re young, talented and unafraid. Jonathan Cyprien, you sir, are fun to watch. Sen’Derrick Marks, God you’re awesome (sometimes). Our offense isn’t worth a damn, but there’s hope. Cecil Shorts III, you deserve to be a Pro Bowler (someday). Maurice Jones-Drew, your jersey will look beautiful retired one day. Chad Henne and Blaine Gabbert, you two are worthless and pathetic when it comes to playing quarterback in the National Football League. Gus Bradley, you’re doing yeoman’s work, a tip of the cap to you.
Now do all of us Jaguars fans a favor and stop winning. 3 wins is plenty, we don’t need anymore. Don’t let Teddy Bridgewater get away. Don’t let it happen. I don’t give a damn if you have to put in Blaine Gabbert at quarterback, you do that shit. I don’t give a damn if you have to put in Mark “Mr. Bankrupt” Brunell at quarterback, you do it. I don’t give a damn if you have to put in Matt Saracen at quarterback, with Fred Taylor Tha Gawd as my witness…you do it.
Please do it. I’m begging you. Stop winning football games.
Here’s your required reading for Monday, enjoy. (Oh, and big ups to The Rev for the links.)