Starting Lineups: Why Jamaal Charles Is The Devil, Or, Why Jamaal Charles Is The Greatest Man Ever

Ed The Sports Fan, Football — By on December 16, 2013 at 11:35 am

jamaal charles 5 touchdowns

Sometimes, even the National Football League can’t keep my eyes open.

I’d had a long Saturday and I woke up relatively early on Sunday because business needed to be handled. So, when 10:00 struck on the clock, it meant that football was to be watched. I was probably going on 5 hours of sleep as I watched the early games, and I knew that the following things were going to happen:

- My Jacksonville Jaguars would find a way to lose vs. Buffalo. (They did.)
- I’d make a visit to the cafe up the street at halftime. (Because there’s a fine barista there.)
- My fantasy football team should have no issue making it to the title game. (Uh oh.)

I won’t go into particulars about my fantasy team, or the fantasy team I was going against, because we all know you don’t care about my fantasy football team. However, at some point between 12:30-12:45pm I passed out. I remember my squad, the Boss Hogg Outlawz, had a 25-point lead, when I awoke at around 2:48pm…my Outlawz were down 25 points. Good God, what happened?

Jamaal Charles happened.

In the Kansas City Chiefs 56-31 win over the Oakland Raiders, here was his final tally:

- 8 carries, 20 yards, one touchdown
- 8 catches, 195 yards, four touchdowns
- 51 fantasy points

For some of you lucky owners of Jamaal Charles in fantasy football, this is the greatest day ever. The bragging rights that come with a chance of winning a fantasy championship (and the illegal money that’s wagered along with it) could be now firmly in your grasp with these Jamaal Charles wind sprints. To you people, (outside of Craig, who I lost to) I tip my cap. As the general manager of the Boss Hogg Outlawz, and a substantial amount of money now lost, I’m going to just sit here and drink a lot of spiked coffee and think about that cute ass barista all day. Y’all pray for ya boy.

Here are your morning links, have a great Monday. Well, except for you Jamaal Charles. Except for you.

It’s Not OK That Your Employees Can’t Afford to Eat – Harvard Business Review

Why Didn’t The Cowboys Just Run The Damn Ball? – Deadspin

Amazon is Now Letting Users Buy Any Kindle Fire HDX in Four Payments… Without Interest – Complex

An Essential Email Reminder: Lose the Graphics; Write a Letter – Esquire

The Details: Jordan CP3.VII ‘Bel Air,’ Jordan Retro 5 ‘Oreo’ + Air Jordan 3Lab5 – Smoking Section

Sidepieces Are Having The Best and Worst Year Ever – Very Smart Brothas

U.S. Recognizes A South Korean StarCraft Player As An Athlete – NPR

A Seattle Car Dealership Now Owes 12 people $35k Because Of The Seahawks’ Shutout Of The Giants – TD Daily

Mayweather: Broner a True Champ, I Stand Behind Him! – Boxing Scene

Everybody loves Draymond: Why the second-year Warriors’ forward is thriving – SB Nation

E. Maisonet, III

Eddie Maisonet is an appreciator of the ultimate reality show that is sports.

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    3 Comments

  • DB says:

    I would like to thank Jamaal Charles for putting me in the finals of my fantasy league playoffs.

    There should be a post about the different places that people will go not because the service or product is any good, but because somebody fine is working there.

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