For some of you, your Saturday started with the news that one of the 10 greatest basketball players of all-time had his achilles tendon cry “uncle” while Los Angeles Lakers fans began to cry tears in their Kobe Systems. For a few more of you, your weekend may have ended with the news that some Australian dude won The Masters, thus bringing home the only green jacket that Bishop Don “Magic” Juan doesn’t own, to Aussieland for the first time. There are huge news stories and they obviously deserve your attention, however, we’re not going to talk about that right now.

Therefore, just in case you had any inkling of going to work/class/coffee shop/barbershop and talking with your people about anything other than “Kobe’s achilles” and “Adam Scott’s putter” than allow us to deliver you The Monday Morning Script.

Previously: The Monday Morning Script: An Eastbay Magazine Appreciation Moment