There’s a lot that happens in sports during the weekend, and it’s our job here at TSFJ to make sure you’re caught up. Stick to the script on Mondays with us, as we attempt to make sure that your watercooler chatter is as thorough as that bunt single that caused chaos between two countries determined to figure out which country borders the USA better. Here is your Monday Morning Script. 

The World Baseball Classic Fight: A Second-By-Second Breakdown

A boatload amount of events happened over the past week. None more awesome – to me, at least – than the good old bar fight at the World Baseball Classic between Mexico and Canada in Phoenix. Two things of note before getting to the main event, though. One, I had no clue there was some sort of odd rule where run differential is important. Mexico didn’t either.

Hence the reason Team Canada, already up 9-3 in the top of ninth, decided to bunt to do what I think every coach should do – run the score up. It’s not up to me to stop me from scoring; it’s up to you. If you don’t want me scoring, pick yourself up by the bootstraps, have some pride and stop me. Regardless, here I was thinking the fight started over a Justin Bieber-Selena Gomez joke gone terribly, terribly wrong, which is upsetting in some weird, awesome-Media-Takeout-headline kind of way. And two, those Team Mexico caps are still raw.

Now to the video. If you’re over 25 and somewhat social, you’ve probably been either in or around several fights. There’s always a feeling of anxiousness in the air leading to the first punch. That feeling normally leads to some name calling. Name calling leads to a punch. That punch normally leads to tables being flipped, loud screams, some random girl yelling, “He not even worth it! Stop!” and, in more recent times, the battle cry of “WORLDSTAR! THIS GOIN’ ON WORLDSTAR!” In a roundabout sense, the Mexico/Canada brouhaha was no different.
Let’s break down some of the high points of the videos, courtesy of CBS Sports.

0:14 - See, it’s always a guy instigating that’s never going to be throwing hands when it’s about to go down. In this instance, the announcer.

0:44 - Cruz is pissed. This is the first sign we know some shit is about to hit the fan. He’s got the “aight, bet” look on his face. You know, the look that says, “Aight, bet. That’s how we’re carrying it? Cool.”

0:46 - Communication is key in these situations because the next few seconds are going to happen lightening fast. Everyone needs to be on the same page starting with Cruz’s demand to “hit the the next mother*cker who steps to that motherf*ckin’ plate.” Well, he didn’t say it in those words, but trust me, that’s exactly what he meant. This is compelling theater here, folks, because now we have to decide which country we’re taking in a fight, not the baseball game.

0:52 - He’s got blood in his eyes. No Ja Rule.

0:06 - “Do that shit again. I dare you. Watch what happens.”

0:15 - OK, now the fight is underway. Those aforementioned tables are being flipped. Chairs are being thrown out of the way. It’s about to go down like VIP treatment at strip clubs during NBA All-Star Weekend.

0:22 - At this point, if you’re in the fight you’re only worried about three things: keeping your head on a swivel, trying not to get knocked out or lose your balance, and keeping an eye on where your teammates are at all times. The last thing you need is to be the only one in your team jersey surrounded by a five or six from the opposing team like Scar and the pack of hyenas at the end of The Lion King.

0:32 - Bottom right of the video. As with most huge fights, the big fight doesn’t pop off immediately. It’s always a smaller-cell sort of fight that ignites everything.

0:39 - Bottom right, again. This guy is seriously throwing punches, but I have a hard time believing they’re actually doing any good.

0:45 - Punch of the clip right here. Mexico may have lost the game, but damn if those boys weren’t out there throwing hands. To be honest, the punch may have not even done a lot of damage. All I can see is the dude who received the punch exit stage left. So I can only believe this punch connected like Tommy Hearns’ uppercut on Martin, which launched him clean out of the ring to take his CBC title belt.

0:55 - “I’m good. I’m good.” Rule of thumb here, people. When trying to hold a person back during a fight – pending that person is actually about that life and not just one of those people full of hot air – if they tell you they’re good, chances are they’re lying. They just need a breather. Be aware they will probably pull a Reggie White swim move to get you out of the way to return to the action.

1:02 - This is where it gets ugly. Fans need to keep their happy asses in the stands. That’s exactly the reason why that fan in Detroit got the hands of gawd laid upon him by Jermaine O’Neal during the Malice At The Palace, aka “The Night Ron Artest, Stephen Jackson And Jermaine O’Neal Fought An Entire Arena And Won.” Let the players fight. It’ll be broken up in a matter of seconds anyway. This needs to be said, however, since we know the recipient was not harmed. That is some pretty spot-on accuracy. Larry Fitzgerald is jealous and depressed at the same time.

So what did we learn? Baseball fights can, indeed, be spectacular if we allow them to be. We never will, so appreciate this gem because they won’t come around too often. Mexico won based off power punches. And hockey still has the best fights by a mile. – J. Tinsley