Ladies: Which NBA Player Are You? Vol. 1

Basketball, Real Goes Right — By on April 24, 2012 at 5:00 am

By The Analyst / @RealGoesRight

Foreword brought to you by a conversation between me and my Morehouse homie, G. Brooks.

Me: I’m saying, you having a LeBron moment?

Garrett: Nah, I play for the win.

Me: *daps* That’s why you my dude. Why are we always talking about [women] in basketball terms, though?

Garrett: Man, [basketball] is a metaphor for life.

And so was the inspiration for today’s post.

So what exactly have I done?

I’ve taken the attributes of several NBA stars and related them to characteristics you would find in certain type of women. (I promise when you actually see how this is done, it will make perfect sense.)

Admittedly, this will be funnier if you’re familiar with professional basketball, so I apologize in advance if this blog misses you in its entirety. Here we go…ladies, which NBA player are you?

Rajon Rondo – One of my favorite PGs in the league, Rondo does everything you would want your floor general to do on the court. He’s had double-digit assists numbers in the last 20 games and has 18 triple doubles in his career. Rondo is all about setting his teammates up to be in the best possible position to score. He’s more concerned with the success of the team as opposed to his own individual numbers. Even so, he’s still capable of taking over and leaving his hand prints all over a game.

Women made of this ilk are fantastic and should be appreciated. These are the type of women who are always looking out for a man. Women who have no issue making a reasonable compromise to see a man reach his goals. Women who have no problem finding ways to help a man succeed and will support a man even when he is not on top of his game. Women made in the Rondo mold have no problems setting a man up, but should he fall, have no problems taking over as well.

J.R. Smith – J.R. Smith is a spectacular dunker and depending on what night you catch him, a pretty good three-point shooter as well. He’s an eight-year veteran who has never started more than 56 games in a season and is basically relegated to coming off the bench for scoring purposes only. J.R. Smith has always held a special place in my heart, as he’s young and extremely athletic, but his skills have never translated to making him a full-time starter.

Women made in the game of J.R. Smith are a dime a dozen. Women here are usually extremely flashy and pass the eye test, but tend to make terrible partners. Yes, they’re extremely attractive. Yes, a man wants to show them off everywhere he goes. Yes, there are nights when these women will “play” well beyond their capabilities and make a man wonder why they’re not “full-time starters.” However, what it all boils down to is these women are all style and no substance. The longer a man looks at them, the more a man begins to see that they lack the tools necessary to be considered girlfriend material. They’re cool to go out with, but anything deeper than that will make him waive her contract and send her back to the free agency pool.

Real Goes Right

Pop-culture, fiction, and social issues writer over on RealGoesRight.Com. And now I do video games over on My hobbies include long walks in the park, tweeting entire days away, and creating strategies on how to get my girlfriend out of Target in ten minutes or less.

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  • Callis says:

    Can’t decide if I want a woman like Rondo or Harden…

  • DNKB says:

    Loved this post! It was fun and informative with the player descriptions. But why did Harden have to been likened to a Basketball Wife? Why couldn’t he be like the “girl” that is friend? Either way, I enjoyed the change up in the style of the posts.

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