Wednesday night, I attended the Philadelphia Flyers' season-opener against the Toronto Maple Leafs, and it turned out to be perhaps the least enjoyable live sporting event viewing experience of my entire life.
Now, it wasn't the most unenjoyable experience simply because the Flyers, after dominating the first period and taking a 1-0 lead after 20 minutes, lost 3-1 to begin their 2013-14 campaign. No, the reason I had such a horrible time was because there was an annoying, stupid and loud "fan" sitting directly behind me — the trifecta of awfulness, as I put it — and she wouldn't shut her damn mouth the entire three hours it took from introductions to the final horn.
It didn't take long for me realize I was in for a rough night. Upon her arrival with a friend, this portly, obnoxious "fan" was quite literally yelling when simply talking to people around her — so loudly that the entire section could hear her every word. No one needs to hear about your friend living in New Zealand or that you're hungry and really want the beer guy to come up. We don't give a shit. I promise you.
And from there, it only got worse. You see, this "fan" kept yelling remarkably intelligent things like … "C'MON! C'MON! C'MON, GUYS! C'MON!" and "GET THE PUCK! CLEAR THE PUCK! GET THE PUCK! C'MON!"
I wanted to fucking strangle her. And you know what? If I knew I could get away with it, I would have. She was the fucking worst.
Of course, she also had absolutely no clue about hockey either. For instance, every time Flyers goaltender Steve Mason left the crease to stop the puck behind the net — even when no Maple Leafs were even in the zone — she would yell, "GET BACK IN THE NET, YOU LITTLE SHIT!" When Mason surrendered the first two goals — neither of which he or any other netminder had a chance in hell of stopping — she of course blamed the goalie. When Braydon Coburn, the workhorse for the Flyers last season on defense, got called for an offsides, she said to her friend that "anytime something bad happens, it's because of Coburn." So astute of you. Please, tell me more.
And this shit didn't stop for the entire game. Three periods, two intermissions, nonstop obnoxiousness. She did not utter a single intelligent or appropriate thing the entire time, and she quite literally ruined everyone's chance for enjoying the game. Fans across the entire section were giving her death stares, telling her to shut the fuck up and wishing imminent death upon her. She was the fucking worst.
"C'MON! C'MON! GET THE PUCK! SHOOT IT!"
Die. Forever.
"Fans" like this do not deserve to be there. I don't care if they paid for their tickets and watch every game. If you are annoying, stupid and loud, just do everyone else a favor and stay home. The real fans who enjoy and understand hockey — or whatever the sport — would really appreciate it … and wouldn't, you know, hate your fucking guts.
On to the links …
New Movie About M.O.V.E. Will Let The Story Be Told Through Local News And Found Footage - Philebrity
The NBA's All-Intriguing Team - Grantland
Meet Silk Road's Alleged Drug Lord: A 29-year-old California Geek - Gawker
Video: Michael Jordan vs. OJ Mayo at Jordan’s camp - Larry Brown Sports
The Basketball Jones moving to NBA TV - Awful Announcing
Of years of love, and a long goodbye - Worcester Telegram & Gazette
The Alphabetical, Week 5: You don't need a plan to fire a man at the airport - SB Nation
Why hasn’t Gary Bettman banned fighting in the NHL? - Puck Daddy
Detroit Rock City - The Classical
A new season for Royce White - TrueHoop
