If you don't remember Eric Kelly, he's arguably the greatest boxing trainer of all time. Why? Because he has proven that he will talk to anyone any type of way, and there's nothing you will do about it but take it. He doesn't care for your pomp and circumstance. He doesn't care if you are the greatest baseball player in the world or if you're another random person in the media trying to get a quote, the man is going to say what's on his mind. Deal with it.
As it were, the good people over at VICE Sports decided to put the NYC boxer trainer on a plane to Minneapolis as a correspondent for the 2014 MLB All-Star Game festivities. Here are a few of the notable quotables during the video of Kelly's experience:
"Fuck witcha boy!" -- Eric Kelly, after finally getting a sandbag in the hole
Because this is how we all should celebrate after being victorious in anything.
"I grew up playing stickball, baseball, nothing serious like that. I'm pretty sure I can hit the ball; it can't be that hard." -- Eric Kelly prior to getting in the batting cages
The man then proceeds to whiff at least 38 times. All of it filled with glory.
"We in the Twin Cities looking for Twin Titties." -- Eric Kelly walking the man streets of Minneapolis
Aren't we all, Eric, aren't we all?
"Why doesn't nobody throw a punch? What you grabbing 'em for?" (David Price mumbles something about money) "Don't want to fuck up that money; motherfuckers got bills. Child support higher than mine." -- Eric Kelly talking to David Price
Yes, that makes perfect sense as to a reason why not to fight.
"You go that bad-ass persona on the field. I got that bad-ass persona in the ring." -- Eric Kelly to Yasiel Puig
I wish I understood Spanish. I also wish I knew how to read minds. Then, I could understand what was going on in Yasiel Puig's mind when Kelly walked up to him talking crazy.
"That's one thing I don't get. I'm confused like a muhfucka. I don't know who's a player, who's a manager, who's a batboy, who's a owner. Everybody wearing the same shit. You ever see Don King wear what Mike Tyson wore? You ever see Don King come outside in black shorts and little black shoes and boxing gloves on his hand?"
I can't even argue this. Like not a bit.
Enjoy the entire video below, as I'll suggest that you put your headphones on because the language is NSFW (if you couldn't already tell by the quotes above). Let's see if we can get Eric Kelly at every important sporting event from here on out because I'm personally here for more of this chicanerous tomfoolery. All hail Eric Kelly.
Related: Meet Eric Kelly, Possibly The Greatest Boxing Trainer Of All-Time (Because He Trains Nerds)
Eddie Maisonet is the founder and editor emeritus of The Sports Fan Journal. Currently, he serves as an associate editor for ESPN.com. He is an unabashed Russell Westbrook and Barry Switzer apologist, owns over 100 fitteds and snapbacks, and lives by Reggie Jackson’s famous quote, “I am the straw that stirs the drink.”
