The Indiana Pacers, by hook or by crook, found a way to stave off elimination by defeating the Miami Heat 93-90 in Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals. Paul George played arguably the best game of his life by scoring 37 points, and LeBron James somehow accumulated 5 fouls and was rendered useless for most of the game. While George's performance should be the top billing following this game, it's LeBron's interaction with Lance Stephenson that will forever be burned into my brain.
Lance Stephenson went into full-on flirt mode and blew into LeBron's ear.
I've blown into a woman's ear before. I had no idea what I was doing the first 12 times, but I did it. Why? Because I'd heard that women liked it. (Women, do you all like it?) I've also had my ear blown into by a woman. I'll admit it, it was usually weird, but I kinda liked it once or twice. Sometimes the air hits my ear wrong, or she blows too hard, or she misses my ear completely. There was one time where this chick blew in my ear and it felt really good, then I preceded to [text redacted due to adult language] popsicle sticks.
The point is you don't just randomly blow in anybody's ear. You also don't let anyone randomly blow in your ear. If you do, you probably like that person. If the person in question is unauthorized to do so, he or she is probably certifiably insane.
Lance Stephenson is certifiably insane.
Lance Stephenson is also certifiably awesome.
Do you see LeBron's face? He looks at somebody (probably the referee or Larry Bird ... who probably had a shit-eating grin on his face) and has a look on his face like, "Did this dude just did this?" With no one to confirm or deny what had just happened, all LeBron could do is sit there, chuckle to himself and just shake his head in comedic disgust. I mean look, this is Lance Stephenson we're talking about here. The 8th Grader. Born Ready. Always Wearing A Deranged Look On His Face Guy. We know that the man is capable of anything.
Absurd three-pointers? Check.
Flopping in the name of love? Check.
Casually walking into the opposing team's huddle, then looking into the eyes of the opposing team's coach to confirm that they got the right play called? Check.
This is the man who boldly goes where no man (since DeShawn Stevenson) has gone before. This is the man who thought it was a "sign of weakness" that LeBron was now engaging in trash talk with him. Why? Because Lance is a crazy man, that's why. A man who likes to blow in grown men's ears and dares you to say something about it after the fact.
Lance Stephenson is not to be trusted. Lance Stephenson is America. The NBA Playoffs, everybody.
BONUS: Because the internet is awesome, the memes have begun rolling. I'm sure more will pop up between the time I finish penning this piece and the time that it is published, but this one is pretty awesome.
"Dog, we're finishing this game tonight." -- Lance, probably.
Eddie Maisonet is the founder and editor emeritus of The Sports Fan Journal. Currently, he serves as an associate editor for ESPN.com. He is an unabashed Russell Westbrook and Barry Switzer apologist, owns over 100 fitteds and snapbacks, and lives by Reggie Jackson’s famous quote, “I am the straw that stirs the drink.”
