50 Cent 'Dies Tryin' With First-Pitch Attempt

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Pitching is a particular form of artistry. At its best, it is a choir-like blend of coordination, thought, strategy, power and head-to-head battle. A perfectly set up pitch that bites a corner is just as impressive a sight as throwing one hard enough that the batter never seems to have known it was there. Essentially, it is a varied art with many perspectives of its beauty.

None of that is what took place just before the New York Mets took to the field Tuesday evening to face the Pittsburgh Pirates. The inherent beauty of pitching often takes a look in Dorian Grey’s mirror when it comes in the form of the ceremonial first pitch. One of baseball’s many long-standing traditions, the first pitch is one that has taken a turn for the grotesque on many occasions. Whereas it used to be held for dignitaries and former greats of the diamond returning for one memory-jogging toss, the first pitch is now as much a reward for big check writers and corporate luminaries of the day.

However, the spotlight of misplaced celebrity also finds its way 60 feet, six inches away from home plate on a Major League mound from time to time, and far more frequently than not, the outcome is tragically hilarious. You would think that the action of being able to throw a baseball would seem pretty simple, but apparently this is not true. As in the case of John Wall, an NBA All-Star and a most impressive athlete in any right, the simple task of throwing a baseball anywhere remotely close to over the plate can be an impossible task.

Yet somehow on Tuesday, 50 Cent took first-pitch futility to a new, lower level. Because when Mr. Jackson took the mound, leaned in a stretch and windup so rusty that the Tin Man in the Wizard's Oz could have even given him some pointers, and then unleashed what is being debated as the “worst throw in the history of baseball,” it was hideous.

Now, Major League Baseball has been in existence since 1876, so that is saying a lot. But when I got a text from my mother that said, Fifty Cent – OMG … isn’t he a MAN? L-O-L! I could do better!” I realized that the situation was about as bad as it gets.

Part of this is shock, because this is 50 Cent — the same man who survived an assassination squad-style shooting that cemented his career as one of the most hardcore reputation rappers of the past decade. He’s made a career out of embarrassing and intimidating other rappers and celebrities alike, so surely he can throw a baseball with even the adjusted expectation that a first pitch carries. But it is always odd where karma raises her head, and Curtis Jackson had his day in the shade yesterday.

Here’s the footage, in case you need a first look or just need a good pick-me-up for the day. It was a sidearm, slingshot of a toss that really pushes the limits of the word "indescribable." And while I'm 100% sure now that Fifty has never once played catch with his kids, even the idea of him giving it a try should probably be considered child abuse. He even put this guy to shame, and that takes some work.

As for what followed, I figured that the ball slipped out of his hand or that he may have seen Floyd Mayweather over by the Mets on-deck circle and was taking a chance to get a free shot off on him, but alas this was not the case. The look on his face and the confusion on Mets pitcher Jon Niese’s as well say it all. This was simply one of the oddest events in baseball history. Jose Canseco’s headbutt homer and Randy Johnson’s bird assassination fastball should be proud of the newest addition to their fraternity.

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