2013 NBA Playoffs Player Power Rankings: Because Andre Miller Wants His Denny's Senior Discount

andre miller denver nuggets

I have had the honor and the pleasure to spend the weekend with my legendary elder, Uncle Bill, here in Seattle for the last couple of days. I call my Uncle Bill "an old man" out of sheer respect, not because the man has been on this earth for 64 years as of three weeks ago. Anyway, there's something about watching "an old man" do work in something he truly loves, and for my Uncle Bill, watching him cook breakfast was a thing of beauty.

The man is a skilled expert in the ways of making a delicious breakfast. From handling the beautiful slabs of bacon and cooking them with care, to wisely monitoring both sides of the waffles he made for optimal crispness and fluffiness, to the eggs which were cooked sunny-side up and fried for uber-deliciousness. This man did all of this while dangling a lit cigarette in his mouth, occasionally cussin' at the television while watching the Hawks vs. Pacers game and sippin' a $3 wine that's simply named Thunderbird.

Total time elapsed, 20 minutes. Total sweat broken, none. Got damn if this wasn't the most delicious-est breakfast I'd ever had.

We did these power rankings for the NFL playoffs a few months back, and now it's time to break them out again for the NBA playoffs. We'll update these every Monday, and yes, these will be fun as hell. Now on to the rankings.

1. Andre Miller:  Speaking of "an old man" doing work, what Andre Miller did on Saturday night versus Golden State was an awesome thing to witness. I didn't even wonder "if" Dre was going to be able to execute against the Warriors' defenses, but rather, which crafty method would Miller use to succeed. Be it a pump fake, a pivot, a no-look or some other old man move that would be utilized. 28 points and a game-winning drive-and-layup with just 1.4 seconds remaining made me realize that I'm pretty old. Why? Because I can remember vividly that Andre Miller was doing these same things with Michael Doleac and Keith Van Horn 15 years ago with the Utah Utes. Got damn I'm old. Maybe I should go get some Denny's.

2. Paul George: Hey man, you put up a triple-double in the playoffs and you get ranked pretty highly on the power rankings, that's just what that is. Tip of the cap to you, young stallion.

3. Carmelo Anthony: Yeah, he scored 36 points and had 6 rebounds in a 85-78 win over the Celtics. But enough of that ...

What Carmelo's facing with the 2013 postseason could be something we saw come to fruition four years ago as a member of the Denver Nuggets. A then 24-year-old Melo led the Nuggets to a 54-win season and a 2-seed, a season in which Denver surprised many by making a trip to the Western Conference Finals and taking the eventual world champion Los Angeles Lakers (Kobe-Pau-Odom) to six games. Carmelo was a defender, a facilitator and most importantly, a leader. Now, the New York Knicks are a 54-win team, a 2-seed and are on course to face the predicted world champion Miami Heat in the Eastern Conference Finals. A team in which Carmelo's averaged 37+ points/game and won 3 out of 4 games.

I'm not saying man, but I'm just saying.

6. Serge Ibaka: Every Oklahoma City Thunder fan just hopes and prays that the man the OKC brass decided to keep during the 2012 free agency season (vs. that bearded guy in H-Town) can become The Most Important Player In The NBA (playoffs).

9. Chalk: 8 games were played this weekend, all 8 games were won by the higher-seeded team (7 of which were decisive wins). If only our NCAA tournament brackets could play out in such a fashion.

11. JaVale Pierre McGee: I love you man. I really do.

12. Reggie Evans drops dimes son: The Chicago Bulls came out to Brooklyn for game one of their opening-round playoff series versus the Nets, and to me, it looked like the Bulls were seeing Jay-Z courtside for the first time in their entire lives. Chicago got mollywhopped by a Nets squad that looked like they all got dipped in HGH before the game. Nothing was more evident of "WTF is going on around here" than when Freeway Reggie Evans throw a got-damned lob pass alley-oop.

15. Brandon Jennings' free agency stock: I'm just saying, the following teams need to be blowing up Compton's favorite point guard's phone up as soon as Miami sweeps the Bucks by the wayside next week: Dallas, Los Angeles Lakers, Minnesota (imagine Rubio and Jennings together ... yep) Phoenix, Charlotte, Sacramento, Utah, Detroit, Orlando and Toronto.

19a. Chris Andersen
19b. Kenyon Martin: There are a few teams in the playoffs that would love to have your services. Kudos to the Heat and Knicks for making it happen.

24. Kobe Bryant live-tweeting: Kobe Bryant's achilles injury was one of the most tragic things I've ever witnessed for an entire fan base. Kobe Bryant deciding to take his talents to Twitter was one of the more eerily cool things I've ever witnessed from a professional athlete. Kobe Bryant deciding to live-tweet after suffering said achilles injury while watching his Lakers unable to solve the Spurs in the opening playoff game, and having those tweets cascaded across the TV and analyzed by everyone ... I wasn't a fan. Seemed to make Kobe a bigger story than the game itself, and for once, Mike D'Antoni got it right by saying that Kobe's tweets were him tweeting like "a fan." I guess we all gotta just chill.

113. James Harden: This is the noise that I made after seeing James Harden looking sad and despondent after the Thunder's thunderous victory over the Rockets on Sunday night...


*shakes fists at the basketball gods, the collective bargaining agreement, the thought of money in general and at the fact that I still miss James Harden's egregiously beautiful fuckin' beard*

138. The San Antonio Spurs home alternate jerseys: These just seemed out of place. Leave those things in the closet for the time being. We didn't need those in Game 1.

7439. Marc Gasol's 2 rebounds: Aye Marc ... dog. WTF man? You out here getting 2 rebounds ... in a NBA playoff game? Dog, what? You out here getting your Amar'e Stoudemire on man? We can't be out here repping you as arguably the best big man in the game getting 2 rebounds, man. That's just plain unacceptable. Do better man, or else I'll put a fire extinguisher in front of you and make you punch it, or something.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *